I'm blog happy today just because it's been such a shit day.
I got your box back. Talk about another reality check.
I really do not know how I'm going to keep doing this. Being a "war widow" is the worst thing someone could ever go through. Really right now? I'm 20 years old! As if my life hasn't been hard enough this happens to me. I swear to God I have had the worst 20 years out of anyone I know. Today I should be happy.. we would be half way done with this deployment and we'd be on our way to starting our Marine Corps free life. Now when February rolls around. Instead of getting you back and getting my "rock" I get nothing. Wtf is up with that?
I just want you back in my life. I lost such a huge part of me and I have no freaking clue how to live without it. I watched the Steeler game and it hurts more and more every time when I can't give you my full report/analysis on the games. I keep looking at my facebook and seeing your chat box in the right hand corner and I just keep thinking maybe it'll light up again. I know it won't, but I refuse to close it.
I'm so angry that there are girls back here cheating on their husbands/boyfriends and not giving a crap about what happens. But you better believe they're 100% alive and well. Yeah, that's real fair. Really God, get your priorities straight. Just wait Joshua when I'm on my way to the pearly gates I'm bitching thee entire way up (cause I know you probably miss that oh so much). Me and God are gonna have a very looooooooooooooong chit chat when I get there.
To top it off I've inherited "widow brain" as it has been deemed by others. I cannot remember anything these days and it becomes more and more obvious everyday. You know how I am.. I color code my freaking organizer for each class! But now, I can't remember a damn thing. Ask the people I work with. I screw stuff up all the time and it's really starting to make me mad. Someone will talk to me and I forget instantly, I don't remember how to do things or go places. Talk about annoying.
Well. Me and my bitchy self need to do some homework that I will probably just look at. I know, I know, "Christina Marie, what did I tell you? Worry about school." I got it babe don't worry.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
It was only just a dream
Two nights, two dreams.
Upside? You're there and they feel so real. Downside? Its just a dream. I was so disappointed when I woke up this morning. Just another day in reality after spending another night with you.
I don't really remember the first dream from Friday night. All I remember is laying with you and you squeezed my hand and opened your eyes. I'm not real sure what happened after that.
But last night..
I came down off of the hill coming into Clymer because someone told me they saw you. I went to pull into my driveway and there you were all bandaged up standing there waiting for me. As I jumped into your arms and started to cry you just picked me up and held me. You said, "I'll always love you baby I'm never going to leave you."
There were some things after that but they aren't relevant. Regardless, the whole thing felt so damn real that I was not a happy camper when I woke up.
Now I'm just sad/hurt/angry and about 50 other emotions. I just want you back. I want my life back because I'm sick and tired of this one. Last night as I listened to others talk about weddings and babies it hit me. Two months ago I was a part of those conversations, and now I have nothing to say. It makes me so mad that you got taken away from me and everything we wanted is no longer a possibility.
Instead of being excited because we're halfway done with this deployment like everyone else, I'm a whole lifetime away from being with you again.
I would give anything and more to be with you again.
Upside? You're there and they feel so real. Downside? Its just a dream. I was so disappointed when I woke up this morning. Just another day in reality after spending another night with you.
I don't really remember the first dream from Friday night. All I remember is laying with you and you squeezed my hand and opened your eyes. I'm not real sure what happened after that.
But last night..
I came down off of the hill coming into Clymer because someone told me they saw you. I went to pull into my driveway and there you were all bandaged up standing there waiting for me. As I jumped into your arms and started to cry you just picked me up and held me. You said, "I'll always love you baby I'm never going to leave you."
There were some things after that but they aren't relevant. Regardless, the whole thing felt so damn real that I was not a happy camper when I woke up.
Now I'm just sad/hurt/angry and about 50 other emotions. I just want you back. I want my life back because I'm sick and tired of this one. Last night as I listened to others talk about weddings and babies it hit me. Two months ago I was a part of those conversations, and now I have nothing to say. It makes me so mad that you got taken away from me and everything we wanted is no longer a possibility.
Instead of being excited because we're halfway done with this deployment like everyone else, I'm a whole lifetime away from being with you again.
I would give anything and more to be with you again.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Llama and the Library
First and foremost- Welcome to my new blog! The fabulous Mrs. Muffins did my blog design that I absolutely love. It feels like home now.
Today wasn't too bad. Much better than the two days prior that is for sure. I hope you're impressed by my care package drive. It's all for you babe. It really is amazing how fast this has taken off and how willing people are to help. In just 2 days we have already raised $700 and donations have been pouring in. It makes me happy to know that we (more so you than me) made such an impact on people. We were quite the team if I do say so myself. I'll keep you updated on this as the time goes on :)
You're probably wondering why in the world my title of this blog is llama and the library. Well. Funny story. As I was writing my speech today I was trying to put in as much happy/funny stuff as I could. I don't want it to be depressing because that's not you. You were always upbeat and positive so that is how I am going to treat this speech.
Anyways.
I was writing about the last time I talked to you when you called me at 5 am. I added in how you always loved to wake me up because I was A. confused and B. grumpy. I couldn't even count the times I would get woken up and we'd have this conversation "Awe, is the little pickle grumpy" as I smacked you and said "babe leave me alone I'm tired." Although, you just couldn't resist and kept picking at me. But all this waking me up stuff reminded me of one specific time when you were in North Carolina.
You woke me up in the middle of the night and I was beyond confused. Usually I catch on but nope, not this time. Actually, I didn't get it until the next morning. So I roll over and grab my phone because its probably close to 230 am when the bar closed. You along with your side kick Hart were on the other end of the line. Some how or other (I'm still not sure how) but you freaking convinced me that I had to return a llama to the library. Um, yeah. And I believed you! All I remember yelling was "babe I'm not going I'm too tired," but nope you kept insisting that I promised I would go. Meany.
And this is kind of off topic but I just got this in a message and it did in fact bring a smile to my face. I'm going to block out names though just in case it wasn't supposed to be known...
"I never met Twigg, so it may not be as exciting, but ****** has shared a few stories with me and one in particular stood out to me since his passing. Some time ago, the first story he shared with me about Twigg was that he was the one good friend he had who had a sincere relationship with his girlfriend. I don't have testimony straight from Josh, but the I hope hearing the secondhand story from ****** almost makes it 10 times more credible. Twigg made it known to all who cared to listen that he loved you so much, and he wasn't afraid to let it be known. Those boys are so scared to admit their vulnerable sides sometimes (especially love), and thats the FIRST thing i learned about him. (second being "he's a big mother fucker" hahaha)"
I love you. So so much. It's things like that that bring comfort to me these days. No matter how many years from now I have to go on without you, I'm still going to love you every second of everyday. That's the one thing death can't take away from me, no one can. We had a bond strong enough to get us through anything and that includes this.
I don't know what the future holds for me anymore. The one thing I do know- you will always love me and you're going to hold my hold the entire way. I was reading text messages earlier and one that I saved says "I love you and I always will." We're gonna get through this. Just like we did with everything else. I love you lots babe.
Today wasn't too bad. Much better than the two days prior that is for sure. I hope you're impressed by my care package drive. It's all for you babe. It really is amazing how fast this has taken off and how willing people are to help. In just 2 days we have already raised $700 and donations have been pouring in. It makes me happy to know that we (more so you than me) made such an impact on people. We were quite the team if I do say so myself. I'll keep you updated on this as the time goes on :)
You're probably wondering why in the world my title of this blog is llama and the library. Well. Funny story. As I was writing my speech today I was trying to put in as much happy/funny stuff as I could. I don't want it to be depressing because that's not you. You were always upbeat and positive so that is how I am going to treat this speech.
Anyways.
I was writing about the last time I talked to you when you called me at 5 am. I added in how you always loved to wake me up because I was A. confused and B. grumpy. I couldn't even count the times I would get woken up and we'd have this conversation "Awe, is the little pickle grumpy" as I smacked you and said "babe leave me alone I'm tired." Although, you just couldn't resist and kept picking at me. But all this waking me up stuff reminded me of one specific time when you were in North Carolina.
You woke me up in the middle of the night and I was beyond confused. Usually I catch on but nope, not this time. Actually, I didn't get it until the next morning. So I roll over and grab my phone because its probably close to 230 am when the bar closed. You along with your side kick Hart were on the other end of the line. Some how or other (I'm still not sure how) but you freaking convinced me that I had to return a llama to the library. Um, yeah. And I believed you! All I remember yelling was "babe I'm not going I'm too tired," but nope you kept insisting that I promised I would go. Meany.
And this is kind of off topic but I just got this in a message and it did in fact bring a smile to my face. I'm going to block out names though just in case it wasn't supposed to be known...
"I never met Twigg, so it may not be as exciting, but ****** has shared a few stories with me and one in particular stood out to me since his passing. Some time ago, the first story he shared with me about Twigg was that he was the one good friend he had who had a sincere relationship with his girlfriend. I don't have testimony straight from Josh, but the I hope hearing the secondhand story from ****** almost makes it 10 times more credible. Twigg made it known to all who cared to listen that he loved you so much, and he wasn't afraid to let it be known. Those boys are so scared to admit their vulnerable sides sometimes (especially love), and thats the FIRST thing i learned about him. (second being "he's a big mother fucker" hahaha)"
I love you. So so much. It's things like that that bring comfort to me these days. No matter how many years from now I have to go on without you, I'm still going to love you every second of everyday. That's the one thing death can't take away from me, no one can. We had a bond strong enough to get us through anything and that includes this.
I don't know what the future holds for me anymore. The one thing I do know- you will always love me and you're going to hold my hold the entire way. I was reading text messages earlier and one that I saved says "I love you and I always will." We're gonna get through this. Just like we did with everything else. I love you lots babe.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
It wasn't long enough
Our time together wasn't long enough, but I tell you what, these last 7 weeks have felt like an eternity.
7 whole weeks.
I feel like I haven't talked to you in a lifetime and I want to so badly. There are so many things I want to tell you right now and I just want you to make it all better for me. I got spoiled in the last 5 years because you fixed everything for me. You were a lot more than just a boyfriend to me. I don't think a lot of people understand that. Really after everything that has already happened in my life, you were always there for me no matter what. Regardless of the situation I always had you in my corner. Now that corner is feeling pretty empty.
I hate being alone. I can't call you crying or angry just to get "it'll be okay babe." I have nothing. Really where do you even turn in a time like this? When it comes down to people understanding I have your marine friends (who I've inherited as a bunch of big brothers and talk to them like I've known them for years), the marine girls, and without a doubt Rachel, Kai-lee, and Lauren. I feel so bad because people want to help, but you can't really make this better. And if you aren't close to the situation (military affiliated) you still don't have much of an idea as to how this feels. It'd be nice though if someone could just take this away.
The weird feeling is you can be in a room full of people, laughing and having a good time, but within a matter of seconds that void hits you like a train. I've just been a mess today and I'm not so sure people understand when I fall apart. I'm currently sitting in my office with my crazy curly hair (you should probably appreciate that part even though its reflecting my laziness today :p) in my sweats, and tears in my eyes. I really would like to go back to my bed because I feel a lot better when people aren't looking at me and not knowing what to say.
The past 24 hours have been one of the worst since this happened. I don't know what is is with Thursdays, but ever since Thursday September 2nd, its my worst day of the week. I really need to like find a way to just skip over that part of the week. Maybe it'd make things easier and that would be one less day that I have to live my life without you.
Everyone swears up and down it'll get better, but how can it? I'm going to live with this pain for the rest of my life. Sure, I'll live my life, but I'm always going to wonder what could have been with me and you.
The crappy part? I'll never know.
7 whole weeks.
I feel like I haven't talked to you in a lifetime and I want to so badly. There are so many things I want to tell you right now and I just want you to make it all better for me. I got spoiled in the last 5 years because you fixed everything for me. You were a lot more than just a boyfriend to me. I don't think a lot of people understand that. Really after everything that has already happened in my life, you were always there for me no matter what. Regardless of the situation I always had you in my corner. Now that corner is feeling pretty empty.
I hate being alone. I can't call you crying or angry just to get "it'll be okay babe." I have nothing. Really where do you even turn in a time like this? When it comes down to people understanding I have your marine friends (who I've inherited as a bunch of big brothers and talk to them like I've known them for years), the marine girls, and without a doubt Rachel, Kai-lee, and Lauren. I feel so bad because people want to help, but you can't really make this better. And if you aren't close to the situation (military affiliated) you still don't have much of an idea as to how this feels. It'd be nice though if someone could just take this away.
The weird feeling is you can be in a room full of people, laughing and having a good time, but within a matter of seconds that void hits you like a train. I've just been a mess today and I'm not so sure people understand when I fall apart. I'm currently sitting in my office with my crazy curly hair (you should probably appreciate that part even though its reflecting my laziness today :p) in my sweats, and tears in my eyes. I really would like to go back to my bed because I feel a lot better when people aren't looking at me and not knowing what to say.
The past 24 hours have been one of the worst since this happened. I don't know what is is with Thursdays, but ever since Thursday September 2nd, its my worst day of the week. I really need to like find a way to just skip over that part of the week. Maybe it'd make things easier and that would be one less day that I have to live my life without you.
Everyone swears up and down it'll get better, but how can it? I'm going to live with this pain for the rest of my life. Sure, I'll live my life, but I'm always going to wonder what could have been with me and you.
The crappy part? I'll never know.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
"You know you can put on a smile"
Yeah. Someone told me that today. Had it not been someone grading me, I may have come back with a smart comment.
I mean really?! Everyone knows exactly what is going on with me, including her. Until today I thought I had been putting on a pretty good front, but evidently not good enough. I think I do an okay job of putting on my face and getting through each day. What people don't know is what happens when i'm alone.
I've been thinking about you all day today. I miss all of the little things you used to do. I miss being woken up at 5 am just to hear I love you. I miss you telling me I can do anything I want when I put my mind to it. I miss hearing "Christina Marie" when I was usually in trouble. I miss calling you on my way to school and usually getting yelled at for my driving. I miss fighting with you. I miss your laugh. I miss my rock. I miss you always being there.
I feel such a void in my life. I try so hard to cover it all up and move on with my daily life, but I can't. I've been doing this care package drive which has truly been amazing, but no matter what I still feel the same at the end of the day. I hate every second of it. I'm so incredibly hurt and angry I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so mad that my life was taken away from me faster than I can blink. I'm hurt that I have to life my life without you. I replay all the things we wanted to do in my head over and over again and it tears me apart. What's even worse? You will never have a chance at any of that. I still have to live my life and you can't. It's not fair.
I see so many people in this world and question time and time again why this had to be you. Why not some worthless piece of shit sitting in jail? I'm so sick and tired of the "only the good die young" speech. It's irritating. Why should the good die young? It's an effed up logic if you ask me.
And you know. I'm so angry that more and more families have to keep going through this. There have been what like 12 people in the last few days? Wtf is up with that? I know how awful this is and I don't want a single person to have to do this.
Today I ate lunch with my sixth graders and they asked what my bracelet was. It's your memorial bracelet, so I briefly told them what happened and started talking about something else. As we were walking out of the lunchroom one of the girls approached me and said "so and so (can't say names) wanted me to tell you she knows how you feel, her dad died there." That just tore me into a million pieces. An 11 year old girl dealing with this? Sickening. Then again here I am at 20. Unfair.
Completely unfair.
I really just want my life back because so far I'm hating my new one.
Jokes over. Can I have you back now?
I mean really?! Everyone knows exactly what is going on with me, including her. Until today I thought I had been putting on a pretty good front, but evidently not good enough. I think I do an okay job of putting on my face and getting through each day. What people don't know is what happens when i'm alone.
I've been thinking about you all day today. I miss all of the little things you used to do. I miss being woken up at 5 am just to hear I love you. I miss you telling me I can do anything I want when I put my mind to it. I miss hearing "Christina Marie" when I was usually in trouble. I miss calling you on my way to school and usually getting yelled at for my driving. I miss fighting with you. I miss your laugh. I miss my rock. I miss you always being there.
I feel such a void in my life. I try so hard to cover it all up and move on with my daily life, but I can't. I've been doing this care package drive which has truly been amazing, but no matter what I still feel the same at the end of the day. I hate every second of it. I'm so incredibly hurt and angry I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so mad that my life was taken away from me faster than I can blink. I'm hurt that I have to life my life without you. I replay all the things we wanted to do in my head over and over again and it tears me apart. What's even worse? You will never have a chance at any of that. I still have to live my life and you can't. It's not fair.
I see so many people in this world and question time and time again why this had to be you. Why not some worthless piece of shit sitting in jail? I'm so sick and tired of the "only the good die young" speech. It's irritating. Why should the good die young? It's an effed up logic if you ask me.
And you know. I'm so angry that more and more families have to keep going through this. There have been what like 12 people in the last few days? Wtf is up with that? I know how awful this is and I don't want a single person to have to do this.
Today I ate lunch with my sixth graders and they asked what my bracelet was. It's your memorial bracelet, so I briefly told them what happened and started talking about something else. As we were walking out of the lunchroom one of the girls approached me and said "so and so (can't say names) wanted me to tell you she knows how you feel, her dad died there." That just tore me into a million pieces. An 11 year old girl dealing with this? Sickening. Then again here I am at 20. Unfair.
Completely unfair.
I really just want my life back because so far I'm hating my new one.
Jokes over. Can I have you back now?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Forever
This says enough..
I miss you so much
Your light, your smile, your way
And everything about us
Though you're gone, you're still here
In my heart and my tears
Yeah, you sure left your mark
And we were just getting started
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough,
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever
Sometimes I get so mad
I scream, I swear at this
Cause this isn't how we planned it
I sit here in a cold room
Prayin', waitin' on you
To run back through that door
To the way it was before you left
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough,
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever
I feel cheated, defeated
Can't believe that you're gone
Oh, it was wrong
It wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough
No, it wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough
Yeah, it was long enough to last,
To last, to last forever
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
No, it wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
I miss you so much
Your light, your smile, your way
And everything about us
Though you're gone, you're still here
In my heart and my tears
Yeah, you sure left your mark
And we were just getting started
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough,
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever
Sometimes I get so mad
I scream, I swear at this
Cause this isn't how we planned it
I sit here in a cold room
Prayin', waitin' on you
To run back through that door
To the way it was before you left
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough,
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever
I feel cheated, defeated
Can't believe that you're gone
Oh, it was wrong
It wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough
No, it wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough together
But it was long enough
Yeah, it was long enough to last,
To last, to last forever
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
No, it wasn't long enough
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough,
It wasn't long enough.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Drained
Living this life is physically and emotionally draining on so many levels. I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster ride and it's the craziest thing. I can go from being okay and laughing then in second have tears rolling down my face. Really- I just want it to go away. I want my life back. I want you back.
As time goes on I get increasingly more frustrated with things. For one- the stupid things that people do to abuse the system. If anything came of that blood boiler, you are a true hero. You didn't walk away from your guys; you stood by them, knowing the risks and willing did your job. I cannot even begin to tell you the mass amount of pain I feel, but at the same time, my heart just completely swells with pride. I am so proud of you, more than you will ever know.
It just breaks my heart to live the rest of my life without you. I have never in my whole life felt so alone and empty as I do now without you. I can still feel you around me, but I am terrified that one day I am not going to have that feeling anymore. Scared I am going to forget the things you did or said, forget the way you hugged me or kissed me, even the way you used to pick on the things I would do. I don't want it to go away. I want it to come back. Thing is- I can't bring it back. I can't do a damn thing about it and it drives me crazy.
You know how much of a planner I am and right now my life is in a million pieces. I don't even know where to start putting it back together. I HATE not having a plan and for the past 5 years all of my plans included you. Now what? It's like if I could just talk to you one more time so you could tell me. Where do I go, what do I do? I don't know. I have not a damn clue.
Being here without you is driving me crazy and I hate it.
By the way, I watched p.s. I love you the other night. I remember watching that movie with you. As I half-watched it again things made more sense to me. One part really struck me though as I was doing my homework and I heard something.. It was the last letter.
"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you"
Those are things you would tell me. I wasn't even paying attention to that movie and for some reason I heard that, put my textbook down, and looked at the tv. Maybe, just maybe, you were trying to tell me something. I have your love in my heart and it gets me through the day.. knowing how much you love me and the type of life you want me to have. And you left me with something- your strength.
I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do it for you.
Forever and a day,
Chrissy
Oh, here's how I'm feeling today-
I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Now I'm drivin'
Through the pitch black dark
I'm screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin' rolls in
And it hits me again
And that aint nothin' but a lie.
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Without you here with me,
I don't know what to do.
I'd give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
But all I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars.
As time goes on I get increasingly more frustrated with things. For one- the stupid things that people do to abuse the system. If anything came of that blood boiler, you are a true hero. You didn't walk away from your guys; you stood by them, knowing the risks and willing did your job. I cannot even begin to tell you the mass amount of pain I feel, but at the same time, my heart just completely swells with pride. I am so proud of you, more than you will ever know.
It just breaks my heart to live the rest of my life without you. I have never in my whole life felt so alone and empty as I do now without you. I can still feel you around me, but I am terrified that one day I am not going to have that feeling anymore. Scared I am going to forget the things you did or said, forget the way you hugged me or kissed me, even the way you used to pick on the things I would do. I don't want it to go away. I want it to come back. Thing is- I can't bring it back. I can't do a damn thing about it and it drives me crazy.
You know how much of a planner I am and right now my life is in a million pieces. I don't even know where to start putting it back together. I HATE not having a plan and for the past 5 years all of my plans included you. Now what? It's like if I could just talk to you one more time so you could tell me. Where do I go, what do I do? I don't know. I have not a damn clue.
Being here without you is driving me crazy and I hate it.
By the way, I watched p.s. I love you the other night. I remember watching that movie with you. As I half-watched it again things made more sense to me. One part really struck me though as I was doing my homework and I heard something.. It was the last letter.
"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you"
Those are things you would tell me. I wasn't even paying attention to that movie and for some reason I heard that, put my textbook down, and looked at the tv. Maybe, just maybe, you were trying to tell me something. I have your love in my heart and it gets me through the day.. knowing how much you love me and the type of life you want me to have. And you left me with something- your strength.
I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do it for you.
Forever and a day,
Chrissy
Oh, here's how I'm feeling today-
I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Now I'm drivin'
Through the pitch black dark
I'm screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin' rolls in
And it hits me again
And that aint nothin' but a lie.
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Without you here with me,
I don't know what to do.
I'd give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
But all I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars.
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