Two days ago, July 1, was Josh's EAS date. The day I have waited the past four years for was FINALLY here. Marine Corps free! Who isn't excited about that? It was the day when we didn't have Uncle Sam controlling us.
But..
It doesn't mean anything anymore.
When I first realized it I thought, "oh my God it's finally here." Then my heart just sank. It's finally here and it's not going to happen. It was supposed to be the first day of our happily ever after. We had so many plans, but we had to get to this first and we didn't.
The night before I was just a mess about it. The day of wasn't so bad. Once again the anticipation is worse than the day itself. I tried to stay busy Friday so I didn't have too much time to think about it. It still just flat out sucked. It is so irritating to think about where you thought you were going to be and then you look at where you are. I don't know that I will ever stop being bitter. No matter who I am with I still think about everything. The people I hang out with will tell you.. it's quite a stare into space.
It's days like that when i just want my life back to the way it was. Nothing real great has happened since September. It's sad that I can be content staying in my bed all day not socializing with the world. I still hate to go out in public because I know I have that label and people just stare at me. I hate it. Not to mention how whack my emotions are most of the time. I snap at the drop of a hat.
I'm really just over it all. Not to mention yesterday was another two. I hate that the number keeps getting higher. 10 months is complete craziness. I really really really don't want to hit a year. Thankfully I had a full day yesterday. I went down to Pittsburgh to see Kenny Chesney, Zac Brown Band, Billy Currington, and Uncle Cracker. And of course, leave it to Zac Brown Band to do a salute to the Fallen and those who are currently serving. Yup, good fun with that one. It was a pretty good night though and I was distracted away from focusing too much on the 'two.'
Things are about to get rocky and I just don't even want to deal with it. I need a time machine asap.
Anyways, enjoy your fourth of July everyone! Remember the day isn't just about the cookouts, family, friends, and fireworks. There is so much more to it, so don't forget..
Sunday, July 3, 2011
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I know I have never even come close to meeting you, but I read your blog all the time and when we were around people on the 4th who did an impromptu toast to those serving and the Fallen, I caught myself almost immediately thinking of you. Just know that both of your names go up in prayers of ours all the time. I can't imagine what your pain is - all I know is that I hurt for you, BECAUSE I can't imagine it. Remember, sometimes it's enough to just "Keep Calm and Milie On"... don't let people expect miracles from you overnight from all this. It's enough that you're facing each day. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI saw your blogroll on Forget the Dog, Not the Baby blog and popped over. I have many friends whose husbands have been overseas and I know I can't totally know. Just my heart goes out to you and others whose loved ones aren't coming home.
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