I'm so sick of everyone. I have yet to understand why people just can't leave me alone. To stop being so judgmental. To let me figure out what I want and need in life again. I just want to be happy.. I swear. For some reason that's become such a difficult task. One stupid word is so controlling of my life.
My heart hurts. I feel like my old life was so much easier. I had it all figured out then and I didn't worry about people. Now I feel like I have a whole lot of nothing. All it is is one big fucking struggle. Constantly. I just can't win anymore. Everyone thinks they know what is best for me and they don't. I know I'm not the same person anymore and I get that. But damn it, I don't know what anyone wants from me.
I try to start living my life again and people have so much to say about it. Last time I checked it's better than following the bed-class-work-bed schedule every single day. At least I thought so. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't know what else to do. I'm so completely broken most of the time and I look for the smallest things to try and fix it just a little bit.
I really just want to go away. Somewhere that no one knows me or my story. I'm so done with hurting. People up my ass all the time. Just done with it all. Maybe I just need to clean my slate off again. I should be excited about starting a new job tomorrow. Instead I'm cuddled in my bed listening to depressing music and with everything that ever meant something having a mental breakdown. Real awesome right? I thought so, too. Ha.
Really sometimes this life feels like a joke. Where I just sit there and think, "Really? Why is this happening to me?" I will never know why God ever decided to put me through something so awful and totally unfair. So done.