Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Selfish People

Before I go into my famous "blog rants.."

Tonight I was at band night in at the fair with my majorettes and it brings back a lot of madness that happened last year.  Last year I left band night and went home.  The next morning I woke up to a 5 am phone call from trashcanistan.

"Hey baby," came across the line.  As much as I wanted to complain about it being 5 in the morning, I didn't.  I was perfectly fine with hearing the voice.  It was like a sigh of relief.  I was happy.  Until 26 hours or so later. 

I have become increasingly irritated lately with people who think their life is just so terrible.  Multiple facebook posts like they're going to make a point..

"If I find out who talked about me I'll kill them"

"Don't care about me.. nbd"

or my personal favorite..


Yeah.  Your life must be soooooooooo terrible.  No. You know what that screams?  Immature.  I'm sick of it.  I like to think my life is pretty hard, but I also know that there are people all around the world that have it a hell of a lot worse than I do.  I swear to God there are some people who think life is just so incredibly hard.  Maybe some people should step back for a second and think about that. Think about how lucky you really are.

I'm not trying to talk myself up at all.  That's not the point.  Lord knows I should have been a lot more thankful than I was in the past and I learned the hard way to really think about that one.  There are people dealing with things in this world that are so incredibly painful and difficult on a daily basis.  Cancer, illness, death, whatever.  Every. Single. Day.

I see all of these people.. happy, a family, an education, house, food, car.  Everything.  What else could you possibly want?  What is so bad?  Sure things in life are tough to get through.. relationships, your friends.  Everyone has problems.  But is it really that bad?  No, it's not.

I don't want to be one of those angry/jealous/bitter people.  It's just been super hard to not be the closer I get to Friday.  I can only push it away for so long and it's a definite "ready or not here I come."  I'm not ready.  Not at all.

I just had a complete meltdown.  I stopped crying for a few minutes only because I got out my phone and played some voice mails just to hear his voice.  Thursday will be a year since I talked to him last.  It's crazy.  Part of me feels like I'm going to forget and that scares me.  Like I keep getting further away from him and I can't go back.

Truth is I'll never go back, but I wish I could.  I wish every day that my life could be as good as it was.

I went back to school Monday.  As crazy as it sounds I love that I'm back.  Last year school was my outlet from life.  My cohort became a tight knit group of friends.  Everyday I would go into class and tell my table about some stupid thing someone said to me to get a good laugh.  They never treated me any different and they have helped me along the way.  I'm glad that I will spend part of my day with them Friday.  I'm so thankful for them and everyone else in my life.

I just wish other people remembered that.  How lucky they really are... 


  1. Love you chissy,

  2. I don't know you Chrissy but I love reading your blogs. This one made me tear up. I can't imagine your pain. And when u said you feel like you keep getting further away from him, really started the waterworks.

    I think your a great writer and every time I read your blogs I feel like I'm reading a chapter in a book you wrote.

    Keep your head up girl,

  3. Words cannot make you feel better. There are no words I can offer. It makes me angry that young people die in a war before they have a chance to live. You are in my prayers. Know this and keep it in your heart..Someday, you'll see him again and what a wonderful day that will be. Praying that God will wrap you close in arms and give you comfort and strength.

  4. I could have written this post myself today.. without the loss just dealing with the love of your life fighting Cancer.
    I will never forget our 2nd round of chemo, the bubbly lady in the chair near us was "oh your new to this" it could have been his full head of hair or the way I said "hi" to everyone or smiled. Was this not a place to smile?
    She said we had the right attitude because "someone ALWAYS has it worse and never to forget that"
    She had been fighting Cancer for 8 years, 6 different types of Cancer.. And other people think they have it bad?
    I totally agree with the immature aspect of it and it amazes me what some people will put out on facebook for the world to see.