Congressional Record

Hello blogging world :)

I apologize for my absence.  I just finished up the semester last Friday and I started summer school on Monday.  I have a class 4 hours a day until next Friday on top of 2 jobs.  I'm going to be in dire need of a vacation when this is all over.. talk about exhaustion. 

Anyways.

Last week I got a package in the mail from the parents of a 2/9 Marine.  Enclosed were several letters and I'll share them here..



Letter 1:

Dear Chrissy,

As you know I was an early supporter doing what I could.  Not because I felt sorry for you, but because I felt sorrow for you.

You know about all of that:

What I did from  here you didn't know and that is why I am writing to you now.

I watched as you moved.  I watched, I wrote and I did some research, puled some newspaper articles together, and wrote some more.

I eventually wrote to the First Lady telling her about you.  Telling the First Lady that you lost the love of your life.  That you didn't blame the administration, but took it upon yourself to start a fundraiser to raise money to help ship packages to Afghanistan to support Joshua's brothers.  I wrote suggesting she single you out for a Presidential level Citizenship Award.  I stated that you were what ALL AMERICAN CITIZENS should be made of.  That you were the perfect role model.

When I didn't hear anything back I called your local State Senator's office and spoke with a fantastic woman: Sandi Gillette.  Sandi was awesome and immediately took a liking to both you and I. 

Also attached is a letter that Senator Don White (PA) send US Representative Critz in Washington looking for support in Washington to get the First Lady to act on my initial letter and the letter I wrote to the First Lady.

We never did hear from the first Lady, but Representative Critz did act on my letters.

In any case, the attachment, marked OPEN LAST, can be opened now.  Please be careful as I did a lousy job packing it. 

After you read the letter in the next envelope, please understand how much I respect you and how all I wanted to do was to honor you for the outstanding citizenship you exhibited.  I never expect what occurred.  I assumed you'd get a medal of some sort.  Anyway, you're an amazing person Chrissy.  I am sorry for you loss.

Take care,
LS

Letter 2:

Dear Mrs. Obama,

I am writing to you today to tell you about a remarkable young woman.  A 20 year old woman who lost the love of her life in the war we are fighting in Afghanistan.

Chrissy is the most amazing person I've ever met.  Oh, wait a minute, I've never met Chrissy.  We became Facebook friends as our men deployed to Afghanistan.  My man is my son her man was LCpl Joshua Twigg.  Both served in the United States Marine Corps 2nd Battalion, 9th Marines and were slated to be deployed until February.  Joshua Twigg was killed in action on September 2, 2010.  My son is still serving our great nation.  Please Lord keep him safe.

Since September 2nd, Chrissy has been very vocal in the news.  NOT reaching out against the war, not speaking ill of our policies, just stating how terribly sad she was.  How empty her life was and how she needed to do something.  Something to help those fighting.  Something to help with the cause the man she loved gave his all in support of.

Well my friend Chrissy did something.  Boy did she do something!  She started a box drive and successfully raised funds and donations to ship close to 300 boxes to Afghanistan.  Additionally, this Veterans day she was the keynote speaker.  The speech is on the internet.  It's a tear-jerker.

I am writing to you today because I feel that Chrissy is worthy of a "Presidential" award.  Please review the two attachments I've enclosed and then pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea, whichever you prefer, grab a box of tissues and Google "Chrissy Young Twigg" that string will bring up some of the most tearful stories you'll ever read.  That string will show you what Chrissy is made of.

Stories of what being an American SHOULD be about.

Chrissy didn't sit back and complain about the war. 

Chrissy didn't sit back and blame the adminstration.

Chrissy didn't sit back and blame anyone.

Chrissy stood tall.

Chrissy looked for a way to make a difference and Chrissy executed with precision, a very successful drive to raise money and products to ship much needed supplies to out Marines ( I almost said soldiers, but you can't a Marine a soldier....)

I wish I lived closer so I could have embraced Chrissy each step of her way.  I wrote to her often and each email I sent was responded to quickly and each check I wrote was also acknowledged swiftly.

I really could go on for hours, but I won't.  I've seen your work.  I've seen how good a person you are.  I only hope that this letter will find its way to you and that you find a way to recognize Chrissy.  It won't bring Joshua back, but it may help Chrissy.  It may help her continue her cause.

Having a family member in Afghanistan is not easy.  There is many a night I don't sleep-- I can not even think about how devastating the loss of a child, or loved one would be.

I hope you can find some way to reach out to Chrissy and let her know how proud America is of her actions.  How people should learn from her actions.

Thank you for reading and considering my letter.

Sincerely,
LS

Letter 3:

Dear Mark:

Enclosed please find a copy of a letter written by L and C to Michelle Obama seeking recognition on behalf of a constituent in our district, Chrissy Young.  Review of the letter explains how special of a young woman Chrissy is and details of her dedication to a project aiding our servicemen.

I am also enclosing a copy of the letter Ms. Young used in solicitation of donors for her project and tells the story of her long time boyfriend, Lance Cpl. Joshua Twigg, who lost his life in combat.

I would personally appreciate your review of the enclosed  material and determine if a letter of recognition or some honorable mention could be issued to Chrissy for her outstanding support of our service members.  While it is evident her actions were not for recognition, I feel it is warranted.  I am unaware if the S letter resulted in any action from the White House directly to Chrissy.

Please contact Sandi of my staff if we can offer you any additional information with this request or if you are able to offer another approach.

Best Regards,
Don White
41st Senatorial District

All which lead to this:

 

I'm proud of it.  It makes me happy that people noticed and reached out.  Slightly disappointing the White House never responded.  It's okay though.  My goal all along was for people to know us and our story and now they do.  I'm not done by any means.  However, it's a great start and a moral booster.  It always helps to know that what you did really mattered and people take note of that.  I appreciate everything LS did and I could not thank them enough for this.

I'll be back to write more later, but for now I'm off to my 4 hours of class for the day.  Oh, by the way Joshua,  guess who got another 4.0 this semester?  This girl :)

The Newest Debate

So, I was never really done with my post the other night.  However, I was getting way too emotional and I wasn't putting myself through anymore that night.  Not to mention it was another "2" and I wasn't about to throw myself into a whirlwind. 

Anyways, I hear the newest debate in the White House is whether or not to release pictures of Osama after he was shot.  Now.  He is what really pisses me off.  The Associated Press, and the Government, didn't hesitate to post pictures of our dead.  Remember that?  You know the picture and article I saw of my lifeless boyfriend being carried onto a medivac.  Or the pictures of another Marine who was clearly not going to make it. 

You couldn't see your faces.  But I could have told you that was Josh from a mile away and really not seeing their face didn't make it any better.  So whats so special about Osama?  Why the hesitation?  It just angers me that they had to use pictures of our war dead to make a freakin point and then they hesitate to post a picture of that piece of shit.  Really?!

I, personally, would like to see it.  Kind of a confirmation thing that he's really gone and got what he deserved.  You know, it's not even that I'm happy he's dead.  So much revolves around death anymore and what good does it do?  It's the fact that he can't hurt anybody else that is comforting. 

I don't know.  How I feel about all of this is just weird.  I was 11 years old in a sixth grade math class when the twin towers were struck on September 11, 2001.  I had no idea where this war was going to take me and everything that would happen in the past 10 years. 

One thing people need to realize is the war isn't over.  The troops can't just come home because one of them is dead.  I'm sure there are thousands of idiots that are part of the Taliban willing to take his place.  This isn't over.  And minor pet peeve: I like how everyone is suddenly extremely patriotic for the week and by next Sunday they will forget about it again.  Annoying.  But I'll write more about that later..

Was it worth it?

As you probably all know by now.. Osama is dead.

For some reason it brought back a lot of pain back into my life.  Like a quick wave of hurt took over me before I had time to really think about it.  At first, I didn't know how to feel.  "Osama is dead."  People have been waiting for ten whole years to say that.  It's a long time and it seems like this war has been going on forever.  They finally got him.  Good for our troops.  Don't f with us because we always win.  If anything, I am proud that Josh was a complete bad ass like the rest of the Marines and after all of that work they finally got what they were there for. 

With the being said.. I still don't feel any better about it.  Not one bit.  Now it's just that question of was it really worth it?  Was his life worth it?  Were the other 1,565 lives worth it?  I know that anyone who is going through this with me is probably thinking the same thing.  I hope the bastard burns in hell, but at the end of the day that isn't going to bring Josh back.  It's not going to bring back the other 1,565 lives back.

It just hurts.  It makes me miss him.  It makes me proud.  You know, the usual whack emotional story of my life.  I really just don't know how to feel.  Honestly.. I didn't really process at first.  When I actually thought about it: I cried.  My whole life was turned upside down for this outburst of joy by the rest of the country.  Part of me has to wonder if people are remembering the huge price that we paid for this. 

It's one of those debts that you could never repay them for.  I am, and always will, be thankful for the armed services.  They have and continue to protect us from so many things.  Willingly standing up for this country no matter what the price; and so many of them give up their life.  Not many are willing to do that anymore..

My life is still in pieces.  A whole bunch of little ones.  Now that Osama is dead is anyone going to pick them up? Nope.  Call me a downer, but is anything really going to change?  I don't know that it is.  All I feel now is more hurt.  I know that he is responsible for everything and he did deserve to die; I just can't be happy about it right now.  I'm sure I will be at some point, but not now. 

I mean it is a good thing that he's dead.. obviously.  I'm just bitter.  And just because he's dead the rest of the Taliban won't just fall over and play dead.  Those people are freakin crazy.  I told Josh that a million and one times how I never trusted them and he always promised it would be okay.   Look what happened.

You know a couple weeks ago, when my phone lost everything, I had to use an old one.  I read a text message from a couple years ago.. he promised me that no towel head was going to take him out because he was too good for that.  He was too good for them.  He's too good for Osama.  They never should have had the chance to kill any of those men.. complete pieces of shit and I hate them all.

I know hate is a strong word and you shouldn't use it, but I hate them.  They took him from me and ruined my life.  Sure, it'll get better.  However, that doesn't make me feel any better about the present.  Those bastards managed to take the best.  It's not fair.  It's not fair that the stupid piece of crap got away with all of this for so long.  I hope he has a completely miserable time in hell.  He doesn't deserve jack shit.  We have the best fighting force in the world and it still took 10 years to get him.  How does God let that happen?!

If I find any comfort.. I hope those guys are getting their revenge.  Far too many lives were taken way too soon because of this man.  There are way too many families hurting and fixing their lives because this man started it all. 

Oh, and just to pipe in for a second.  Mr. President: you did NOT sign all of the letters to the families of the fallen.  I will whip that letter out of my room right this second and I guarantee you it's a flipping stamp.  Don't try to fool me just because they put you in charge.  And don't take credit for all of this.  I don't see your happy ass out risking your life.

Anyways.

Bittersweet.  Good description of all of this.  I've gotten a lot of messages tonight and it's comforting to know that there are people who still remember.  I just wish it brought him back or something.  I'm sure Josh is looking down smiling and making some sort of comment that I would probably smack him for.  If I could even see what was going to change it might make it a little better.  I know that it's never going to fill the void.  It's never going to fix the pain.  No matter who dies or how many years pass that's never going to go away. 

For now it's another painful reminder of how much I want my life back.  As the story goes, I can't have it..

Reminders

Wednesday was a beautiful spring day.  It was warm, the sun was shining, and the sky was blue with fluffy white clouds.  I was working so I spent the day inside at Fox's.  As I was working something caught my eye.  I peered across the street as I saw the funeral directors putting the signs over the parking meters and before long people started piling into the funeral home.  It instantly struck me, wondering who could be inside.

Before long a fellow employee stopped in.  The young man inside was a 19 year old from the area hat had been killed in a car accident earlier in the week.  Memories came flooding back to me.  I saw young kids and families one by one find their way in and out of the funeral home.  It reminded me of you.  Us being 21 and 20 years old our friends and their families filed into your viewing the same way. 

It seems as though young people die around here far too often.  I guess as humans we never expect young people to die because it isn't the order of life.  But it is very much real and it happens way more often than we would like.  I remember at the ripe age of 15 when we lost our first friend.  How complete devastating that was too us because "that doesn't happen here."  I have since learned that it does and it can be anyone at anytime.

As crappy as it is, it's a learning experience.  Something so bad that you have to look to find the light in it.  Where is the good?  I turned my focus to school.  Luckily for me I found another love, blogging.  I recently started a professional blog.  I love writing and I love when I'm not forced to do it.  I don't think I would ever be a writer because then it would be more forced.  I like doing it for me.  Believe it or not I put a lot of thought into my blogs prior to writing them.  It's therapeutic for me.  My professional blog is a way for me to keep organized and I think it is something to set yourself apart.

As much as I hate it: it happened for a reason.  There has to be a reason and maybe this was one of them.  To show me what I'm really capable of.  Although, I definitely would have preferred a different method to teach me a lesson.

Oh, speaking of careers, I'm taking my Praxis II exams tomorrow.  Here's the kicker: I have bronchitis!  How ridiculous is that?!  As if I'm not nervous enough I have to deal with hacking up my lungs.  I have done absolutely nothing all day today because I don't have an ounce of faith.  I should have been studying, but I haven't ventured far from the couch.  I watched to Royal Wedding and tons of tv shows.  Exciting life I lead when I feel like crap.  I swear it never fails when something important comes along I pick up some kind of crazy illness.  Not to mention I already had strep throat this semester.  It's another one of those things you think God could do in another way.

Why can't anything be easy..? 

An overwhelming pain

Sometimes the hurt of this mess is unbearable.  I thought about it a lot the past few days and it is just tearing me apart.  Friday was two years since this:

 

Homecoming.

I knew it was going to be a bad day.  And wouldn't you know it nothing went right from the time I woke up.  it's hard when a day rolls around that was so amazing ends up flat out sucking a couple years later.  I thought about it all day long.  I remember that day.  We got up at 2 am to make the drive to North Carolina.  I was sick the entire 10 hour drive because I was so nervous to see you.  Really, 7 months is a long time.  I couldn't even believe that day had finally arrived.  I remember a friend, Becky, called me and I just remember "you did it sweetie!"  We had made it.  One deployment down and for the time being we were in the clear.  I knew another one was coming, but it wasn't relevant at the time.

Those days are harsh and painful reminders now.  I've been in this funk ever since.  I invited some friends over Friday night to keep me occupied and I have since engaged in some serious retail therapy.  It never really fixes it though.  It's a temporary fix.. I think that's a good way to describe it.  

I was talking to someone today about my "bad days" and how they aren't as frequent.  But then I started talking about after it happened.  How I don't really remember much.  My body set into the fog on auto pilot.  Literally: survival mode.  I look back on that first month or so and I have no idea how I made it.  Not one clue.  A year from now I'll probably be saying the same thing about now.  I really don't know how I do it.  

It hurts so bad.  I was talking to your Mom the other day and she told me she had a dream about us.  She said we were laying on the couch (which we did 90% of the time watching movies) and you wanted me to know you proud you were of me.  Little reminders like that are so bittersweet.  I love hearing it, but then the pain sets in because I want to hear it from you.  I want you back in my life so bad and I can't.  

I talked to your Mom for a few minutes after that and she told me how she would look at us and just think what our kids would look like.  Everyone always said that we would have the cutest kids because we were both darker complected with brown hair and eyes.  Everyone always thought we would be together. 

Grrrr. Right about now is the time that I get angry.  I'm so mad that everything that was supposed to be got taken away from me.  it's not fair.  I thought a lot today about all of the things we had plan.  I clearly can't do any of that anymore.  Nor do I want to because you aren't here.  Not fair.  Not one little bit.  

You know what else drives me insane these days?  People who are so miserable that they are complete bitches to everyone else.  I really want to be like, "listen, you're life is not that bad. I'm sorry your a miserable beotch, but stop taking it out on everyone else.  And how bout you try being thankful for what you have instead of complaining about every little thing."  My life isn't exactly grand right now either, but I can't say that I am totally miserable either.  I don't even play that card most of the time because I don't want to use it as an excuse.  Honestly, people bring it on themselves.

It could always be worse.  I remember thinking when this deployment first started it couldn't be any worse and complaining about it.  Ha!  Little did I know how bad it could really be.  Even though I would have preferred a different method I learned from it.

If you haven't noticed, I'm obviously bitter today.  There are just some days when the need to have my life back to the way it was.  Realistically I know that I can't.  It doesn't stop the desire though.  I just keep telling myself it has to get better sometime. 

Just keep swimming..

Letting Go: The Unexpected

Note to self: don't rely on technology for anything.

For as long as I can remember I have saved things on my cell phone.  I had the entire last text conversation we had locked on my phone along with a few other messages that I would read from time to time.  Lately my phone has been acting up, but I didn't think much about it because the texts were locked.

Well, today I was at work and my phone wouldn't do a thing.  I took the battery out and turned it back on.. nothing.  So it finally restarted itself.  I went to text someone back and noticed that all of my text messages had been wiped out.  Gone.  I frantically kept turning my phone off and on hoping that they would reappear.  Nope.

I ran out into the hallway and started sobbing.  Every ounce of make up I had on was running off of my face as I text one of my friends in our office to come outside.  She came and sat with me and I could not stop crying.  I wasn't ready for those to be gone yet.  Is that a sign or something to let it go?  And wouldn't you know it, I chucked my phone at the wall and the bastard didn't break!  Really?!  It's those things that you are unprepared for and it hits you like a train.

I couldn't even focus the rest of the day.  Every time someone asked me what was wrong I started crying all over again.  I hate the days like that.  It's awful.  There's nothing you can do about it, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Reading those texts were just little reminders when I needed them.

As I sat sobbing in the hallway I frantically dialed my voice mail to check and see if they were still there.  Over and over I heard, "hey baby."  My heart just sank.  I miss that so much.  I was watching the few videos I had of you on that stupid little bike and all I said was "are you done" and you shot me that dumb little look you always gave me when you were mocking me.  Jerk.

Point is: days like today tear me apart.  I almost left class early because I didn't have any ounce of focus.  I went tanning and to dinner with Emily so I felt a little better.  It's just so hard to keep telling yourself "Chrissy, it's okay.  Not a big deal."  Because really it feels like a huge deal.  Not to mention 10 minutes earlier I was busy being excited with one of my closest friends who literally just got accepted into grad school (we were holding hands while she called btw).  It just sucked and it caught me off guard.

I'm sure tonight will be real fun.  Never fails.  And you know, today did start off to be a pretty good day other than feeling like a zombie.  I wish people knew how easy it was to get thrown into a hysterical mess.  All it takes is one little thing and sometimes it happens so fast you don't have anytime to prevent it from happening.  I hate when I know that I have no control over it.  Maybe eventually I will; just not right now. 

Up and down. Highs and lows.  Story of my freakin life.  You know, this shit gets old sometimes.

Blunt Reminder

Last night I had some legit flashbacks of how much I hated telling you goodbye or "see you later."  I hated every second when it came to being the end of leave and you had to go back.  I cried every single time.  It was inevitable that I would.  I didn't like doing that to you, but it was so hard not to.

I was reminded of all the late nights in your driveway.  Just standing there holding on for dear life and not wanting to let go.  I was always the last one to see you.  I watched the pain in your eyes over and over again as you left home each time.  I remember the last time you left home.  I went with you, but to watch you hurt so much killed me inside.  As we got in the car to head to North Carolina I remember just grabbing your hand and not even knowing what to say to you anymore.

I was so over it.  That's the one thing about being separated because of the military.  The constant need to say goodbye.  After 3 years of it, I had enough.  I wanted so badly for it to just go away.  To just go with you.  To not see you hurt as you left the place you loved.

Sometimes I couldn't even focus on being with you because I knew what was coming.  It was the "4 more days or few more  hours."  Blah blah blah.  Constant countdown.  I waited soooo long for you to come home then it always seemed to be over in the blink of an eye.  96 hours here, 10 days there, 72 hours, 12 days. Gah! It's kinda like my "9 months since I've seen you."  I hate numbers.  Seriously (go ahead say it, jerk :p).

Honestly, I think that was always the worst part.  It wasn't the 3 months of boot camp, the 7 months of deployments, or the time you were in North Carolina.  It was telling you bye every single time.  It gets old and the hurt gets worse.

I just want you back.  As we get closer to the EAS date it makes me so angry.  Angry that it ended this way.  We made it over 3 years through all the bull crap for it to end like this.  All I ever wanted was to get through those 4 years so we could start our lives. The tons of tearful goodbyes, the distance, the hurt, the constant struggle, the deployments.  All of it.  We got through all of it jut like we said we would, but it ended differently.  It didn't end July 1, 2011.  It ended way too soon and not how I ever pictured it to be.  I always thought if we could just get through it, it would be okay.  Knowing that it didn't makes me want to punch people and break things.  It's not fair.

I watch everyone else get their homecoming and their EAS and their happily ever after.  Why didn't I get mine?  I did everything that they did. Hell, there are people cheating and whatever else on their husbands and they STILL get theirs.  Why did mine get taken away?  It's not fair.   

Stupid flashbacks.