10 years from now..

..where will you be?

This question was asked today.  I was in a class doing an assignment and this was part of it.

When the professor asked, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  For the first time in years I had absolutely no idea what to say.  I don't have a freaking clue.

I swear I have OCD when it comes to planning.  I mean, you know that.  I always had everything figured out perfectly.  We had our life figured out and that was perfect too.  Now I'm just not sure.  Where do I go?  What do I do?  Will I get married?  Will I have a family?  Is someone going to love me and take care of me?

I don't know.

I was so happy with you.  I'm not happy now and I want to be so badly.  I want the pain and hurt to just go away already.  We're pushing 9 weeks and it's not getting any better.  I can do a million things to try and forget about it for a little while, but it never works.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.. It's about learning to dance in the rain.."

I'm trying to do that.  I really am.  However, it's a lot harder than it sounds.  Trying to make a positive out of an extremely large negative. This care package drive is nothing short of amazing right now and I'm so excited to be doing it.

But no matter what I do, it's not changing what's going on in my life.  I want you here and I can't.  You know better than anyone that I don't like it when things don't go my way.  Extremely grouchy pickle right now.

So.  Ten years?  I don't know.  But could you figure it out for me because not having a plan is making me crazy.  Ask Lauren.  She just pointed out how much of a planner I am haha.  I'm glad you guys know me oh so well :)

Babe, fix it.  You were way better at fixing things than I am.