Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Traveler

That's me!  I don't know how many times I have heard people say "you travel a lot" or "you're never home."  Right you are.  Ever since September 2nd, any reason to leave home is a good reason to me.  I'm not really sure why it's like that either.  I do know that a lot of widows do it and we like to move around.

There is just something about being home.  Before this I wasn't into traveling too much, but it's different now.  I like going away to new places and meeting new people. In the past few months I've gone to Erie, Georgia, North Carolina, and who knows where else.  Honestly- any place but home.

I love being away and usually when I am, I am close to people that understand my situation.  I can laugh and somewhat enjoy myself.  Being home is a stress-or and a lot of constant reminders.  People don't understand as much here and just about everyone has returned to their normal lives.  I haven't.  I'm still adjusting and learning how to live this new life.

The downfall of traveling?  Coming home.  Every single time I come back I fall into this funk.  I hate it.  I know to expect it now, but it doesn't make me feel any better.  After everything happeed I went right back to school and work within two weeks.  I wish now that I would have given myself time.  I mean, yes, that is probably what got me through.  At the same time, I feel like I didn't get enough time to grieve.  I used to be such a busy body, but it is so hard for me with my schedule now.  I get tired real easily.  Last week I didn't work or go to school because I was away and now I'm exhausted.

I like being close to those people and coming home blows.  Especially Jacksonville.  For being a not so great town, I want to go back so bad.  I feel like I left something there and I'm not ready to let go of it yet.  A piece of me is still there, he is still there.

See all these whack emotions?  Part of me thinks it's easier to run from them than it is to face it.  I've been contemplating going away for the summer.  Just somewhere new where not everyone knows my name and my story.  I wanted to go to Europe, but the G-rents aren't having it (neither is my bank account).  Either way I'm sure I'll be lots of places.  It's what I do and for the time being- I like it.

3 comments:

  1. You are always in my prayers. Alison Leopard

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  2. God bless u!!! You are very strong!! Keep your head up Josh is smiling down on you!!!

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  3. I tend to avoid confrontation in all it's forms until I absolutely must face it and then-enter funk! I'm in J-Vegas too :)

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