Found that quote while I was at work not studying for my test (I know, "Christina what did I tell you," don't worry, babe) and playing on picnik. Pretty proud of my final product..
Fun.
What is that? I went out on Saturday and I can honestly say I had a good time. I smiled. I laughed. I danced. And to get a legit one of either of those, it's hard. Sure, I have had fun other times. But, days like that don't happen very often for me. To just let go.. push the pain and everything else away for a little while. Not to mention, Joshua, I think you would have been proud haha.
The thing that sucks, that most people don't understand, is one tiny tiny little thing that upsets me or causes an ounce of drama throws me into a whirlwind. Not just for a little while. For DAYS. It's ridiculous and it sucks so bad. Some drama went down over a two hour period last night. Which ultimately just turns into me crying and hating my life. Hating where I am and without you. The times that I long to have you more than anything else in the world. The times where you would have made it all better. I HATE IT.
Seriously. It just sets you off and it's like taking a step back. The little things break you down and I'm not sure why. Maybe because I can't handle a lot. I'm not really sure. What makes me the most mad about it is I'm over stupid high school/childish problems. My problems in life these days are a lot larger than a good ole game of he said, she said. Annoying.
I try real hard to avoid people and things that will end up doing this, but sometimes it just happens. It's not healthy and for the people doing it- get a life. The world doesn't revolve around you. I have more important things to do with my time instead of dealing with an emotional mess. Sometimes (more like usually) I just can't handle it and it makes me miss you. When you're already knocked down, added nonsense is no help. In a way I feel like I'm still building up that strength and dealing with this every single day is so incredibly draining so maybe that's why the littlest thing pushes it over the edge. I really don't know.
So, now I need to snap out of it. Maybe some IUPatty's celebration tomorrow? Who knows. Gotta represent for you :)
God bless you chrissy.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I see you around , I want to cry at the pain you go through. Every time I hug my sweetie, i hold him really tight because anyone you love could be taken away from you at any moment. You're the strongest person I have ever met. I'm glad you have all the support of your friends, and though I don't know all of them too well anymore, I'm sure they'll never leave you and will always be there for you. You're an inspiration to us all.