Six months is killing. Things have been, well, hard. I miss you.
I was cleaning up my room tonight now that the new windows are in and I put my shelf back together. I stood there. Just looking at it. It's so depressing and all I can say is "really?!" This is what I have left?
Of all the people in the world, this is the hand I was dealt. Why me? I've been trying to stay positive lately, but it gets hard to try and fake it. It's only been six months. Honestly it feels way longer than that.
If I sat here and said I wasn't getting better that would be a lie because each day is another baby step forward. At the same time, these are super small steps and it still hurts. It's still fresh. Not to mention I'm super angry lately. Angry that I'm hurting and just want my life back. Angry that you got taken away from me before I was ready.
Everyone is on leave now. At home, with their families. Here I am. Just doing what I've been doing all along with myself. It freakin sucks. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone, but that doesn't make it any easier knowing I have nothing.
I'm really struggling with where to go next and finding myself. It's like you get lost, but you're never finding who you were again because so much changes. Not to mention how much I hate being alone. I miss having someone to just lay on the couch and watch a movie with or to just take a nap. Being alone is lame. I don't want another boyfriend, but it's kinda nice when you have some company.
I miss my old life. Who I was. Us being together. Things have to get better at some point. But the further I get from September 2nd, the further I feel from you. It's realizing more everyday that you aren't coming back. I hate that. I just want to talk to you. I feel like if I could just talk to you one more time, but I know I would still want one more after that.
This isn't fun, babe. Not one bit. I really don't like doing this without you.