.. is you.
That's what I've come to realize lately. That's how you live on in me, by getting me through each day. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do the things I've done without you and that's how I know you're still here.
I think you would be pretty proud of me right now. For the first time in 3.5 months, I had a pretty good day yesterday. Maybe a little happy? I feel like I've lost the meaning of that word, but it was still a good day. So far I have gotten A's in 3/6 classes. I just might pull off a 4.0 for the semester. How bout that? I was doomed from the first week of class and still managed to do okay.
Homecoming is getting close. A whole lot of bittersweet. I am excited to see your friends and be close to them. At the same time, its the harsh realization that you aren't stepping off of those buses with them. I need to go. I need to go and spend time with the people that you were the closest with. It helps me to be with them and maybe it'll be like that for them too. For a while I struggled with it because I didn't think I could do it. The more I think about it, the more I realize you would want me to go. You'll be there too giving me the strength to get through it.
The care package drive, this semester, homecoming, all of it. I couldn't have/can't do any of it without you. I find the comfort in that because you've been pushing me all along and I didn't even realize it. As time goes on I realize that you continue to give me things in life even though you aren't physically here. Your love and strength is going to get me through this life. I'm not totally alone. You left me with a lot of people watching out for me and to help me along when I need it. I'm so thankful for that.
I love your friends. Every single one of them. I regret not getting to know them better before, but now I am getting the chance to and I realize more and more each day how great they are. They know you and how much you love me. Because of that, they will do anything for me. If it wasn't for some of them I wouldn't have gotten this far. It's all because of you. Being closer to them makes me feel closer to you. They remind me of you and it's a comfort to have that. It really is a family and I wish more people knew how amazing it is.
It's going to be a long road, but I'm going to make it and you're going to be proud.