Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Empty Corner

For as long as I can remember, I always had you in my corner. You let me cry, bitch, complain, vent, whatever it was to you all the time. Regardless of the situation you were always on my side no matter what.

I'm really starting to miss that more and more everyday. I hate that I can't call you and just tell you how I feel, and for you to tell me it would be okay or you would be the first to take care of it for me. Now I end up calling someone to tell them something and get a lecture or something I just don't want to hear.

I miss having you there to defend me. You always stood up for me no matter what. Lacking that comfort makes me feel overly vulnerable and I just want the "safe" feeling of being back in your arms. I felt like no one could ever hurt me when I was with you.

For so long we have been a team. I never had to go through anything alone and the fact that we took everything on together made it so much more bearable. This team is down to one player and I hate it. Things were so much better when we were facing the world together. I never had to worry about things because you were always right there in my corner.

We were such a good "team" that I'm not sure why God thought it would be a good idea to take us away from each other. People can tell me 50 times over that "Heaven needed a hero" or "Only the good die young," but damnit. I NEEDED you. I still need you. You were my hero. Really, I don't want to share.  I want to be selfish and keep you to myself.

I'm mad you got taken away from me entirely too soon because I need you to be here for me.  I'm sick of hearing "he's still here." Yeah, well.  Not the way I need you to be.  You were so many things for me and I can't get that back.  It makes me wonder if I will ever have that again.  I had so many things with you- we were a perfect match.  We were two different people but we complimented each other perfectly.

Who gets that twice in a lifetime?  You loved me, you took care of me, you would have done ANYTHING for me.  Why in the world did you get taken away?  What sense does it make to break something up that was so perfect?

You were my match and my other half.  I'm not real sure how to take on the world by myself.  Actually, I don't know how to do anything without you.  For 5 years you were the rock in my life, the one person I went to for everything, the one that never ever turned there back on me.  So why did you have to go?

I'll never know why, but one thing is for sure- I will live the rest of my wondering what the answer is to that question.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so glad we both have an outlet to vent! I love you!!

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  2. I was basically saying this same thing the other day... I miss having someone ALWAYS in my corner. F.

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