Saturday, October 23, 2010

Llama and the Library

First and foremost- Welcome to my new blog!  The fabulous Mrs. Muffins did my blog design that I absolutely love.  It feels like home now.

Today wasn't too bad.  Much better than the two days prior that is for sure.  I hope you're impressed by my care package drive.  It's all for you babe.  It really is amazing how fast this has taken off and how willing people are to help.   In just 2 days we have already raised $700 and donations have been pouring in.  It makes me happy to know that we (more so you than me) made such an impact on people.  We were quite the team if I do say so myself.  I'll keep you updated on this as the time goes on :)

You're probably wondering why in the world my title of this blog is llama and the library.  Well.  Funny story.  As I was writing my speech today I was trying to put in as much happy/funny stuff as I could.  I don't want it to be depressing because that's not you.  You were always upbeat and positive so that is how I am going to treat this speech.


I was writing about the last time I talked to you when you called me at 5 am.  I added in how you always loved to wake me up because I was A. confused and B. grumpy.  I couldn't even count the times I would get woken up and we'd have this conversation "Awe, is the little pickle grumpy" as I smacked you and said "babe leave me alone I'm tired."  Although, you just couldn't resist and kept picking at me.  But all this waking me up stuff reminded me of one specific time when you were in North Carolina.

You woke me up in the middle of the night and I was beyond confused.  Usually I catch on but nope, not this time.  Actually, I didn't get it until the next morning.  So I roll over and grab my phone because its probably close to 230 am when the bar closed.  You along with your side kick Hart were on the other end of the line.  Some how or other (I'm still not sure how) but you freaking convinced me that I had to return a llama to the library.  Um, yeah.  And I believed you!  All I remember yelling was "babe I'm not going I'm too tired," but nope you kept insisting that I promised I would go.  Meany.

And this is kind of off topic but I just got this in a message and it did in fact bring a smile to my face.  I'm going to block out names though just in case it wasn't supposed to be known...

"I never met Twigg, so it may not be as exciting, but ****** has shared a few stories with me and one in particular stood out to me since his passing. Some time ago, the first story he shared with me about Twigg was that he was the one good friend he had who had a sincere relationship with his girlfriend. I don't have testimony straight from Josh, but the I hope hearing the secondhand story from ****** almost makes it 10 times more credible. Twigg made it known to all who cared to listen that he loved you so much, and he wasn't afraid to let it be known. Those boys are so scared to admit their vulnerable sides sometimes (especially love), and thats the FIRST thing i learned about him. (second being "he's a big mother fucker" hahaha)"

I love you.  So so much.  It's things like that that bring comfort to me these days.  No matter how many years from now I have to go on without you, I'm still going to love you every second of everyday.  That's the one thing death can't take away from me, no one can.  We had a bond strong enough to get us through anything and that includes this.

I don't know what the future holds for me anymore.  The one thing I do know- you will always love me and you're going to hold my hold the entire way.  I was reading text messages earlier and one that I saved says "I love you and I always will."  We're gonna get through this.  Just like we did with everything else.  I love you lots babe.


  1. I'm your newest follower. Your blog is beautiful, Mrs. Muffins is awesome. I just want to tell you how inspiring I find you. Your stories are absolutely heart breaking but utterly endearing. Much love from an AF wife.

  2. Hey sweetheart, I found this through a friend of yours and I must say, your blog is a real eye opener, my love is leaving me soon for that hell hole, and i just keep thiking of you in the back of my head. I am so sorry for what has happened, and I told my husband about your blog....he's a marine crew chief...he said "thats really sweet, its like she's talking to him" =)You have inspire many women im sure through your letters to Josh, just wanted to thank you for being strong thorugh this, and hun remember....cry as much as you want, don't let anyone tell you different. Josh is watching over you and i think of it as every tear you let fall, he catches to return it as a smile on your face.

  3. I love this post. And the new design, glad you got hooked up :)

    <3 you boo and glad you had one of those "up" days in a lot of downs!

  4. I'm glad I could do this for you. I think it's a great place to write your letters. I'm sure he reads each one. Lots of love <3 xx