Sunday, October 24, 2010

It was only just a dream

Two nights, two dreams. 

Upside? You're there and they feel so real.  Downside?  Its just a dream.  I was so disappointed when I woke up this morning.  Just another day in reality after spending another night with you.

I don't really remember the first dream from Friday night.  All I remember is laying with you and you squeezed my hand and opened your eyes.  I'm not real sure what happened after that.

But last night..

I came down off of the hill coming into Clymer because someone told me they saw you.  I went to pull into my driveway and there you were all bandaged up standing there waiting for me.  As I jumped into your arms and started to cry you just picked me up and held me.  You said, "I'll always love you baby I'm never going to leave you."

There were some things after that but they aren't relevant.  Regardless, the whole thing felt so damn real that I was not a happy camper when I woke up.

Now I'm just sad/hurt/angry and about 50 other emotions.  I just want you back.  I want my life back because I'm sick and tired of this one.  Last night as I listened to others talk about weddings and babies it hit me.  Two months ago I was a part of those conversations, and now I have nothing to say.  It makes me so mad that you got taken away from me and everything we wanted is no longer a possibility.

Instead of being excited because we're halfway done with this deployment like everyone else,  I'm a whole lifetime away from being with you again.

I would give anything and more to be with you again.

1 comment:

  1. Is it weird that I'm happy for you that he's visiting you in your dreams??? I don't for one minute think it's just your brain. He still loves you, and I believe he'll be there for you for the rest of your life.

    I'm still so sorry you have to go through this. I'm still thinking and praying for you every day!