Monday, September 13, 2010

Fall

You would have loved today; it was a perfect fall day. The skies were blue with big puffy clouds, the sun was out, leaves are turning, air was crisp. It had you written all over it.

I made an attempt to go back to classes today and it was really overwhelming. I can't focus for anything and I got so far behind already. Thankfully a couple girls kept me pretty well informed and wrote everything out. If my program wasn't changing I would most likely call it quits for the semester. But at the same time you wouldn't want me doing that either so I'm not going to. Classes take a lot out of me these days. I mean I had two 50 minute classes today and I came home and slept for 3 hours. Not that I'm complaining really because I love sleep these days. It's my escape from everything. When I'm asleep I don't hurt and I don't have to think about it. The second I open my eyes in the morning everything comes flooding right back to me and I hate it.

FYI I'm bouncing all over the place today, don't mind me. My scatter brained self is literally everywhere.

I was talking to a girl last night. Someone who never met us in person, but came to see me last week. This is what she said, "literally, if it weren't totally inappropriate and sad a picture of you standing there Thursday just looking at him, with your back to everyone else would have been beautiful in a really heart-wrenching way especially when it was just you."
Two thoughts.
First is I am proud of you. More than you ever know. I probably won't ever be half the person you were in my lifetime. I had the logic that I would be there for you until the end, and I was. I stood from your side from the beginning and I wasn't about to stop now.
Second is it makes me happy that its evident to people how much we love each other. Even in two different lives now, I still love you and I can only hope you feel the same for me (which you better :p). That's something death can't take away from me.

" Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

That second quote- I hate right now. I know it's true, but seriously? (Don't mock me. Yes, seriously). As much as I hate hate hate hate hate what I have to do right now- I wouldn't change what I had with you over the last five years. Not even for a second. Those five years of memories have to carry me through the rest of my life and they will. We really had something special. It reminded me of this song I heard again today and I'll leave you with that..

Baby when I look at you with your hair fallin' down and your baby blues
Standing there across the room I get so lost in the way you move
It makes me reminisce back to years ago on a night like this
Teary eyed as you took my hand and I told you that I'd be your man
So many things have come so many things have gone
one thing that's stayed the same is our love is still growing strong

Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams has shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

Oh darling would you look at me
With my heart beating fast and my shaking knees
It's pretty hard to believe after all these years I still need you this badly
You're dancing in my arms with a spotlight moon in a sea of stars
Girl we've come so far everything I want is everything that you are
I just want to lay you down
Say I love you without a sound
I think you know what I'm talking about

Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams has shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

Feels good to prove 'em wrong
Just living our love song


I love you <3

3 comments:

  1. Josh, I never met you, but thank you for the part you played in making Chrissy the incredible woman she is. So many eyes are on her right now, & she is inspiring all of us. I know I speak for a lot of other women out there when I say that I'm a better person just for knowing her.

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  2. I read your blog everyday and though I did not know you or Josh it brings tears to my eyes everytime I think of you. You are such a strong woman. My husband served with 1/8 and I would hope I would have had the strength you have if I had been in this situation.

    I think of you and josh every single day... stay strong

    Jess
    (Yukuboard, Maine)

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