Since I heard your sweet voice on the other end of the line. I keep replaying those 24 hours in my head over and over again. I'm so thankful we got to talk so long that morning and it was one full of love and laughter. Although I would give just about anything to get that back..
Each day reminds me of you. You loved fall and each day has you all over it. As I was driving today I kept thinking how much you loved it here during this time of year. I wish so badly that you were here to see it.
Even though I am completely heart broken, the memories that I have with you get me through each day. It is such a task to force myself out of my bed each morning, but I know in the back of my mind what you want me to do with my life. That's all I need to get through the day- knowing that you always wanted me to have a good life. I know too that you are here with me because if you weren't, there is no freaking way I would be the way that I am. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was and I know that's only because you are still here to be my rock.
Over the past five years you have become such a huge part of me. I am starting to understand why people in their old age die within a few years of each other. If we had this much love and were such a huge part of each others lives only five years in- who knows what we could have had in 50. I am so disappointed that we won't get to find out. It breaks my heart we won't ever have that wedding we talked so much about or the family we wanted to raise. I feel like I got robbed of my happy life. When I get to the pearly gates I have lots of questions to ask and we better get a shot at the life we wanted when I get to you.
I miss everything about you.
Oh, I almost forgot. This man came through the line at your viewing looking awfully familiar. When he introduced himself to your mom it dawned on me. This was the same man that spoke at our high school on Veteran's day my senior year. I was a speaker as well so I got to meet him. He came to talk about his son who was killed in Iraq a few years earlier. I remember crying that day thinking how terrible that must be. You had just graduated boot camp 6 weeks earlier and were at SOI. I had no idea I would be in his shoes 3 years later. I never thought this would be us..
It's just funny/ironic how these things work out. And I sure as hell would like a good explanation.
I love you. Btw- come visit me in my dreams. They haven't been exciting <3