Hate this.

This is flat out terrible. I was doing what I would say semi-okay for a little while there, but these past 4 or 5 days have just been awful. I miss you and my heart hurts more than anyone will ever know. People think I'm "okay" but I'm not. I'm completely heart broken and a piece of me is gone that I will never get back.

The thing that hurts me the most- you don't have the chance to get anything that you wanted in life. It was taken away from you before you got the chance to live it. It's not fair, not one single bit. I try going to do things and just get my mind off it, but it doesn't work. I think about you all the time. I feel like you're missing out on so much. I want you here with me and I can't have it.

One thing I am thankful for right now is your friends. They keep me sane by checking on me or just to talk. It's a comfort for me to know how many people loved and cared about you. In all reality a lot of the guys that have talked to me didn't even really know me, but they knew you and that I was a big part of your life. Because of that they are there for me. It means more to me than they will ever know. It just shows to what kind of friends or brothers none the less that you have been with over the last 3 years. I am happy to know that you touched so many lives over the years and have so many good friends.

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned it before. But I decided since you can't be here I'm going to do all the things you wanted to do for you. I started last night with number one on my list- the Pens game.









It's so hard for me to have fun. I want you to experience these things too. Last night reminded me of the night we watched the Stanley Cup finals at the beach when the Pens won. You drove hours to see me for less than 12. I don't know if I ever told you how much I appreciated the little things like that that you did for me. Those were the things that made me realize how much you loved me.

I miss you.

Love,
Chrissy