Numbers.

I am really sick of counting things. So many things have been popping up lately.. 2 months since I had seen you last, what would have been 2 months down with this deployment, 2 weeks since I have talked to you. I am so sick of that.

I think about you constantly. It just completely breaks my heart that you didn't get a chance to live your life and get the things that you wanted. What's even worse? I can't do a damn thing about it. I cry and get mad and hope and dream, but it won't change it. It's going to be a long life with out you..

It's so hard for me to go anywhere these days because people are constantly staring and talking. And you know- it blows my mind how ignorant some people can be in this type of situation. My favorite are the people who try talking to me and acting like it's so extremely hard on them when I know the both of us haven't seen or heard from them in years. I mean really? Some things that people have said to me just seem so inappropriate, but somehow I have managed to keep my mouth shut about it. (Disclaimer: I appreciate the support I get, I really do. There are just a select few mouths that take it to far)

I manage to hold things together during the day when I have school or work. It's nights that I hate. I will say though I know you're still here. You left me with two things- love and strength. You know I need that and that is how I get through my days. Oh, and I had another dream. Someone called my damn cell phone or I would've probably had more :( All I remember is telling you it was our last something and you said "no it's babe don't say that" wrapped your arms around me, gave me a kiss a disappeared. I think you should probably stick around longer :)

I spent some time with Lauren and Aaron and the girls. It makes me miss you but at the time it's a comfort. I saw RJ and Danielle a few times this week too. I'm just so disappointed you aren't here the way I want you to be. Every day there are at least 20 things that remind me of you. It either makes me smile or the tears fill up my eyes. I miss you more than you know.

I'm gonna cut out- the tears are flowing. Come visit me again soon <3

I love you, forever and a day.
pickle.