I had a dream about you last night. It was so weird. I had a dream you were home, but we all still knew what was going to happen. I remember telling you this doesn't feel real and you said it isn't yet and gave me a hug.
I forgot to tell you the other night at the football game I was holding little Alaina and it broke my heart that you will never be able to have kids of your own. I hate the fact that all of our plans are just gone and I can't get them back. I hope there is another life and we get a chance at this again. Regardless, I have to live the rest of this life without you. That means nothing though. It won't change how I feel and you will always be in my mind.
My heart hurts more than you know. I have so many unanswered questions and I would give anything to have you back. I just have no idea how I am ever going to move on with my life. I know you would want me to be happy, but it is so hard. I am always going to think what coulda, shoulda, woulda been. You weren't just my boyfriend, you were my best friend. I don't know if I will ever find that sort of comfort again. I hate feeling as if my whole is in 50 million pieces and I am left to pick them all back up. I find some comfort in knowing that you may be able to guide me in my decisions and push me to do the right things for the rest of my life.
I love you so much and I hope you know that.
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I cant even breathe...It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me.. This is just a dream.